niiyawe

Niiya'we

I have been think of you a lot lately, I suppose because it has been a year since you have left us.  I don't think a day goes by that your family (including me) grieves for you.  I have not wanted to connect to the culture as much as I use too.  I have found that since I lost you, I am trying to find my way back, as I intuitively know that is the only thing that will take away the deep loss I feel inside.  What a wonderful joy you were in my life, you were my steadfast and at times you were my cornerstone.

Sometimes, I see your face in other people.  Sometimes, I think that you send me messages and you ask me to trust that all will work out.  For a year, I have pushed it aside.  I have forgotten.  I have not wanted to do what I need to do ... in my life or in my vocation.

Our last talk you did not want me to apply for that job, and I didn't out of respect for you.  Two more times that job came up after you passed, and I applied this time - reconciling with you why I needed to.  You told me it would be nothing but pain there, and you were right but the difference is that today it did not wreck me. I suppose if I would have gotten the job it would have ... eventually. 

In my heart, I know the reasons for it have to do with a greater purpose, one in which you told me I needed to accomplish.  I am ready we'e.

I am ready to begin my life again, with purpose and dignity.

I will honor your memory every day, and I will remember your teachings and your wisdom in how to work with people in the kindest of ways.  I will remember the sweatgrass and how it brings in the good. 

Miigwech, We'e!