Niiya'we

I have been think of you a lot lately, I suppose because it has been a year since you have left us.  I don't think a day goes by that your family (including me) grieves for you.  I have not wanted to connect to the culture as much as I use too.  I have found that since I lost you, I am trying to find my way back, as I intuitively know that is the only thing that will take away the deep loss I feel inside.  What a wonderful joy you were in my life, you were my steadfast and at times you were my cornerstone.

Sometimes, I see your face in other people.  Sometimes, I think that you send me messages and you ask me to trust that all will work out.  For a year, I have pushed it aside.  I have forgotten.  I have not wanted to do what I need to do ... in my life or in my vocation.

Our last talk you did not want me to apply for that job, and I didn't out of respect for you.  Two more times that job came up after you passed, and I applied this time - reconciling with you why I needed to.  You told me it would be nothing but pain there, and you were right but the difference is that today it did not wreck me. I suppose if I would have gotten the job it would have ... eventually. 

In my heart, I know the reasons for it have to do with a greater purpose, one in which you told me I needed to accomplish.  I am ready we'e.

I am ready to begin my life again, with purpose and dignity.

I will honor your memory every day, and I will remember your teachings and your wisdom in how to work with people in the kindest of ways.  I will remember the sweatgrass and how it brings in the good. 

Miigwech, We'e!

Qualities in an Elder

My dearest friend:

I miss you deeply as it has been almost a year since you choose to leave this world.  There is such a tremendous pain I feel when I think about you.  Sometimes your memories are all around me, like your gallon of Timmy's decaf coffee.  haha.  I think you surely got alittle caffeine in there.  Lately, the memories are overwhelming my thinking and interfere with my life.  I know that is not what you want ... so I will write about you and share what you have taught me.

But let me think clearly now ... What makes a good elder?
Here is what I saw in you ... you were so charasmatic and so loved by most if not all the people you came into contact with.  How did you touch people so deeply?  How did you make that connection to the children and families you worked with so selflessly?  How did you bring people back to life with your zest for it ... life?  Why did you do it?  Often times in school they talk about transformational leadership, but what is that when it comes to an elder like yourself.  To me it is the ability to lead in a way that inspires wellbeing or change in another.  It is healing from the dysfunction of colonization and bringing into light your spirit ...

We'e (my namesake ... my teacher) this is what you have inspired in me. 

It makes me think of what kind of elder I want to be ... someday. 

Creator ... be with my friend and all the people he loved so deeply ...